About “Allowing”

I was wondering what to share with you all this week. There is so much going on in the world right now. So much turmoil, so much hurt, uncertainty. And we have undoubtedly carried a lot of grief of late. In in the midst of all of this this, we might end up wondering if life is worth the effort after all. We might ask “What is the use?”. We might feel as if we are going nowhere slowly. Or we might have a tremendous urge to do something significant, only to feel brick-walled by circumstances beyond our control.

In times of great change, it is sometimes best to “let go, and let God”. Sometimes we must open our clenched fists to discover what we already have in our hands. Sometimes we must just chill, relax and allow.

Allowing is not always easy.  As humans, we naturally want to control, be in control. When I struggle with just letting go for a while, I am reminded of this beautiful poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.  It is called “The Call”.  I hope you enjoy it.

THE CALL

The Call I have heard it all my life,

A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.

Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper.

Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.

But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep.

There’s no safety in that!

Remember what you are and let this knowing

take you home to the Beloved with every breath.

Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing

colour the shape of your humanness.

There is nowhere to go. What you are looking for is right here.

Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.

There is no waiting for something to happen,

no point in the future to get to.

All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.

You are wearing yourself out with all this searching.

Come home and rest.

How much longer can you live like this?

Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying.

Give it up!

Let yourself be one of the God-mad,

faithful only to the Beauty you are.

Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close,

dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.

Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being.

When it finds you, give your life to it. Don’t be tight-lipped and stingy.

Spend yourself completely on the saying.

Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Call, HarperONE, San Francisco 2003

Creating a Blueprint for your Life

To truly have an inspired life, one has to have a philosophy about life.  We cannot effectively decide about our own lives if we do not have at least an idea of what we want our lives to be about. We must get clear on what the principles are that we are going to apply to our lives. One has to decide what direction you want your life to take. 

Your personal philosophy combine your values and beliefs into a workable blueprint for your life.  

How to develop a powerful personal philosophy

To start developing a powerful philosophy for an inspired life, you have to ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What did I decide about life so far?
  2. Which ones of these decisions can I let go of or change?
  3. Which new decisions can I make to replace them?
  4. What thinking habits do I need to master to fit my new decisions? 

Take some time and really ponder these questions. What do you want your life to be about?  What do you not want in your life anymore? Can you think about life differently? What would you like to believe about your life and your future?

Once you have clarity on your worldview, you can continue to build on your new philosophy and strengthen your decisions by:

  1. Learning from your experiences and those of others
  2. Learning from other people’s success and failure
  3. Capitalising on the power of positive influences
  4. Becoming a good listener and observer
  5. Reading good books
  6. Keeping a personal journal
  7. Being disciplined
  8. Being diligent

REMEMBER:

A personal philosophy is like setting the sail on a boat:

When the wind change, we must change.”

It’s not what happens that matters…; it’s what we do with what happens, that matters”. – Jim Rohn

The essential philosophical elements of one’s personal life philosophy are centered on beliefs, concepts or ideas, and attitudes. To be straightforward, your philosophy answers the question:  “What is your approach to living your life?”

Putting your approach into philosophical terms may seem unnecessary, too elementary or just an academic exercise. Yet, it is an indispensable way to make better choices and lead a more inspired life.

But don’t take life and your life philosophy too seriously.  Do not get bogged down in the small details.  Do not fret for days.  Just do it!  We always have the power to make new decisions, change things up and revamp. Get yourself a nice journal, write a plan for your life and keep on revising and amending as you go. You will be amazed at what wisdom and understanding come from just taking a bit of time to think about your life. And if you really get inspired and really want to do this properly, head over to the following website:

https://www.udemy.com/course/your-happiness-and-inspiration-toolkit-for-life

There you will find my course: Your Happiness and Inspiration Toolkit for Life” It teaches you exactly how to go about fashioning for yourself a beautiful life.

Five strange things women-folk do

Over the years, I understood that there are certain things that we women-folk do that the guys just do not understand. On a lighter note, let’s see if you agree with these five things and their perfectly logical explanations:

1. We need the details, please!

We need to know exactly why, where, what with who, and for how long. Why is that important?  Well, that shows that the other person, usually a guy, has thought about this, planned it, and actually paid attention to important details – that makes us feel more secure.  Also, of course, we need to plan our outfits, what to pack in our handbags, and psyche ourselves up to be the best version of our own personal fabulousness.

 2. We take long to get ready.

We have a lot to think about when we are going somewhere.  Besides everything else we need to think about, we also must also make sure our bra straps are straight and that the wire does not pinch, the panties do not show undesirable bulges and slits, not to mention that they must also be comfortable.  Sometimes just finding a panty that wears well takes a long time. It might even be the last one in the drawer and we might have to try on all ninety-six to find THE ONE! Only then can we pay attention to the rest of the outfit.

3. We take long to shop!

It really boils down to finding the right thing. We cannot, like men, just walk into a store and grab the first shirt and pants and be happy with it. We need to mentally fit the new garment into our lives.  It has to fit our bodies – no use having something that is not sexy and awe-inspiring.  It also has to fit in with our latest pair of shoes, the new lipstick we bought, the scrunchie with the small flowers, the super-stylish new handbag, that I must still grab from the other side of the store, my favourite sunglasses and of course, it has to be an over-all showstopper in the eyes of all my admiring friends. Yes!  And don’t forget it must also fit into, preferably his wallet.

4. We go beserk if someone has the same outfit on as we do!

If you would comprehend the massive effort described in points 2 and 3, it will be a logical conclusion to crumble and have a melt-down in total dismay, for the thought of all the effort made to be exquisite, only to find that a “friend” has more exquisiteness than you in the same dress. Especially when hers fits like a glove, and even picks up on the highlighted colour strands in her hair and her sandals!!  Yes- we notice things like that.

5. We go to the bathroom together

No explanation needed here.  Just look at the diagram. It explains the whole thing perfectly.  

Fact of the matter is that we are women-folk and that is how we roll. Take it or leave it. Women-folk, take Aunty Acid’s advice:  If you are going to be weird, at least be confident about it!

Being a woman takes guts!

Helen Keller hit the nail on the head when she said: “Keep your face to the sunshine because then you cannot see any shadows”.

With it being women’s month and all, I thought of just leaving you with a few sisterly reminders:

If you have to fight, fight like a woman! You can win, you can succeed. Remember that you are powerful beyond measure!  I am not just talking about fighting off a perpetrator or trying to win an argument, I am talking about fighting to keep your life together, to get your stuff done, to keep your inspiration, to make sense of all there is to make sense of.

Keep your mind positive and strong!  Sometimes we have to put up a fight to get that done!  Do it anyway! You always have enough thinking and acting capacity to do what needs to be done!  Do not let anyone tell you different!

Don’t compromise who you are.  You are a unique creature of nature!  Og Mandino calls you “Nature’s greatest miracle”. Live up to that expectation. Not everyone will always like what you do or say and that is okay. But you have to like what you do or say.  Authenticity is key.

To be successful in life you need something to hold onto, something to work for, something that makes you jump out of bed in the morning.  Find that thing! Dream big dreams! A wise old owl once said, “If you can dream it, you can have it”. Make a contribution to something or someone. Help wherever you can. Zig Ziglar said” If you help enough people get what they want, you will have what you want”.  I am a true believer in the law of “Service to many leads to greatness” You are great! Remember that!

Don’t waste your precious time and energy worrying. Worry does not make things materialise or disappear into thin air! It only steals your inspiration, kills your joy and it encourages you to drift.  To drift is to do nothing. Doing nothing is NO good THING!

Remember to count your blessings. Live in the moment. Be here, now! You will have a brighter tomorrow once you stop rolling in yesterday’s mud!

There!  I have said it!

Laughter is good for you!

Did you know that laughing can physically make you feel better and help you heal faster?  Laughter relieves stress, improves your oxygen intake, and can strengthen your immune system. And if laughter did not have any of these benefits, it still puts you in a good mood because laughter is the best medicine.

There are some people, however, who find it difficult to laugh. They feel awkward when they laugh, they don’t know how to laugh, and they are scared that people will laugh at them when they laugh!

If, perhaps, you are having a hard time laughing, just start to smile for a while. Even if you fake a smile, you can still trick your body into feeling a little bit better. When you are feeling happier, it is easier to get yourself to laugh a little!  Challenge yourself to smile at the people you pass in the grocery store.  Try and smile at the people in the next car while you wait at the traffic light. And if the smile still eludes you, make a list of the things that you can be grateful for – there must be something on that list that will get you to smile even just a little.!

The way you laugh is unique to you.  It is one of the things that makes you special. Don’t hold back on your giggles because you are self-conscious about how you laugh.  Just make sure you laugh for the right reason! It is a curious thing, but the harder you laugh, the more likely it is that other people will start laughing with you!

If you really struggle with laughing try to laugh as realistically as you can when you are alone at home or driving alone in your car. If you can manage to make yourself laugh – even for no reason at all, you may find yourself giggling all to yourself in no time!

To get yourself to laugh, start with 3 short “ha” sounds – “ha ha ha!”,  Even though this may feel forced and awkward, do this several times in a row.  You will be surprised at how quickly these forced “ha ha ha’s” can change into a legitimate, and very satisfying, case of the giggles.  Think about something you find funny while you practice your laughing.

Why is laughing no laughing matter?  Well, here are some real health benefits of laughter:

  1. It lowers your blood pressure
  2. It reduces your stress levels
  3. It works your stomach muscles
  4. It makes your heart stronger
  5. It triggers the release of endorphins – the feel-good hormones!

Laughing a lot is not a laughing matter, says Lola, the girl who laughs out loud!

Seven facts about fear

It is ok to be scared. None of us are fearless and brave all the time. All that is important is that you know what fear looks like and how to deal with it when it comes.

I read an interesting article recently.  It is titled “Seven things you need to know about fear.  It was an article published in psychology today.  I think the information shared in this article is worth sharing with you exactly as it is. According to this article, there are a few things we should know about fear:

1. Fear is a normal product of brain function.

Fear is hardwired in your brain, and for good reason: Neuroscientists have identified distinct networks that run from the depths of the limbic system all the way to the prefrontal cortex and back. When these networks are electrically or chemically stimulated, they produce fear, even in the absence of a fearful stimulus. Feeling fear is neither abnormal nor a sign of weakness: The capacity to be afraid is part of normal brain function. A lack of fear may be a sign of serious brain damage.

2. Fear comes in many shades and forms.

Fear is an inherently unpleasant experience that can range from mild to paralyzing—from anticipating the results of a medical check-up to hearing news of a deadly terrorist attack. Horrifying events can leave a permanent mark on your brain circuitry, which may require professional help. However, chronic stress, the low-intensity variety of fear expressed as free-floating anxiety, constant worry, and daily insecurity, can quietly but seriously harm your physical and mental health over time.

3. Fear is not as automatic as you think.

Fear is part instinct, partly learned, partly taught. Some fears are instinctive: Pain, for example, causes fear because of its implications for survival. Other fears are learned: We learn to be afraid of certain people, places, or situations because of negative associations and past experiences. A near-drowning incident, for example, may cause fear each time you get close to a body of water. Other fears are taught: Cultural norms often dictate whether something should be feared or not. Think, for example, about how certain social groups are feared and persecuted because of a societally-created impression that they are dangerous.

4. You don’t need to be in danger to be scared.

Fear can also be imagined, and so it can arise in the absence of something scary. Because our brains are so efficient, we begin to fear a range of stimuli that are not scary (conditioned fear) or not even present (anticipatory anxiety). We get scared because of what we imagine could happen. Some neuroscientists claim that humans are the most fearful creatures on the planet because of our ability to learn, think, and create fear in our minds. But this low-grade, objectless fear can turn into chronic anxiety about nothing specific and become debilitating.

5. The more scared you feel, the scarier things will seem.

Through a process called potentiation, your fear response is amplified if you are already in a state of fear. When you are primed for fear, even harmless events seem scary. If you are watching a documentary about venomous spiders, a tickle on your neck caused by, say, a loose thread in your sweater will startle you and make you jump out of your seat in terror. If you are afraid of flying, even the slightest turbulence will push your blood pressure through the roof of the plane. And the more worried you are about your job security, the more you will sweat it when your boss calls you in for even an uneventful meeting.

6. Fear dictates the actions you take.

Actions motivated by fear fall into four types—freeze, fight, flight, or fright. Freeze means you stop what you are doing and focus on the fearful stimulus to decide what to do next (e.g., you read a memo that your company will be laying off people). Next, you choose either fight or flight. You decide whether to deal with the threat directly (tell your boss why you shouldn’t be laid off) or work around it (start looking for another job). When the fear is overwhelming, you experience fright: You neither fight nor flee; in fact, you do nothing—well, you obsess about the layoffs, ruminate, and complain, but you take no action. Being continuously in fright mode can lead to hopelessness and depression.

7. The more real the threat, the more heroic your actions are.

We react differently to real and imagined threats. Imagined threats cause paralysis. Being scared about all the bad things that may or may not happen in the future makes you worry a lot but take little action. You are stuck in a state of fear, overwhelmed but not knowing what to do. Real threats, on the other hand, cause a frenzy. When the threat is imminent and identifiable, you jump to action immediately and without flinching. This is why people are much more likely to change their eating habits after a serious health scare (e.g., a heart attack) than after just reading statistics about the hazardous effect of a diet based on fried foods.

We all have fear, imagined or real, and sometimes both.  Our best course of action in a time of fearfulness and scare is to stay “in the moment”.  Say present and analyze, stay hopeful, and believe that fear is something you can conquer.

Sneer at fear!

Whenever I see or hear the word “fear”, Marian Williamson comes to mind: “…Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful…beyond measure! “She continues to say “Your playing small does not serve the world…”

Boy!  How fearful have we become? We find every reason to be scared and fearful. We fear the downturn in the economy, we fear the results of the pandemic on life as we know it… we fear life, because it is not what it used to be…we fear that we will not have enough stamina to wither the storm… Fear is paralysing the very essence of our beings.

And because we are fearful, we play small.

We take no risks, set no goals, dream about nothing, make no plans and we slowly shrink ourselves to a grain of sand in a mighty universe.

What we do not realise is that fear is an illusion.  Yes! we all know the acronym “False Evidence Appearing Real”. The false evidence, the things that we create in our minds to be unconquerable obstacles are not real at all, and if we would just apply ourselves, we would soon realise that we are powerful beyond measure, that we can achieve great things, and that we do matter in the bigger scheme of things.

The fears that stop us from playing big in the world are created in our heads. They don’t really exist!  We are literally imprisoned by imaginary walls that we created out of nothing! .

This makes me think about scenes that play themselves out in our country’s national parks. African antelope species such as impala, kudu, and blesbuck, are caught by men holding up large sheets of cloth. The animals see those sheets as impenetrable walls, and so they feel they have nowhere to run except into the waiting cages. If those animals knew about the nature of the cotton walls, their actions and their outcomes would be entirely different! But they don’t know – and their fear prevents them from finding out. (Courtesy of: https://www.uklifecoaching.org/conqueringfear.htm?nav=b)

Our fears are flimsy walls and we can easily conquer them.  Here is how:

Pretend that the fear does not exist

Fear comes in many forms. It can come from stinking thinking” (i.e. “I can’t do this,” “I am not good at this”. etc.). It comes from negative, drama-inducing, sensationalist media coverage. Did you notice that the media is mostly about doom and gloom? Eliminate (or at least drastically reduce) your exposure to fear-inducing entities (i.e. social media, newspapers, failure-conscious people, etc.).

Don’t give fear have time to think:

Your thoughts are powerful. Did you know that a single thought can be responsible for life or death in this world? My mentor always taught me this:  “What you think about, you bring about”. So if you are going to think, rather think about what it is that you want to attract into your life. Visualise them, shape and polish them until they are crystal clear in your mind. Crystal clear visions blinds fear!

Just concentrating on doing these two simple things, will greatly eliminate the hold that fear has on your life. But to make the decision to do this takes courage.  One has to have courage in the face of fear. When you are brave enough to make the decision to be courageous…. A superb piece of poetry from Guillaume Apollinaire comes to mind…

Come to the edge, he said.
They said: “We are afraid”.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them… and they flew.


You are strong enough to persevere

You are strong enough!

One of my favourite authors of all times, Jim Rohn, wrote a very special book called ”The greatest Salesman in the world”.  What makes this book special is that there are universal lessons and reminders built into an ancient story. In this book, the main character received a gift of ten scrolls containing life lessons.  On one of the scrolls is written: “I will persist until I succeed”. In other words, I will hang on and persevere until I am successful. When the going gets tough, one of the scrolls reminds the recipient of the scrolls that ”This too shall pass”. No matter how tough it gets, no matter how dark the night, the sun will always rise again, if you can just hang on a little bit longer, take one more step, keep on moving because “Never will you know how close success lies, unless you turn the corner”.

Perseverance means to persist, to keep on keeping on, and sticking to your plan, no matter what happens.  And keeping on going is tough sometimes.  I get it!  It is hard work to keep on digging and digging in a back-breaking fashion, hoping to strike it lucky and maybe find some diamonds.  But digging and digging with no result can bring one to a place where you just want to give up!  We all feel like that sometimes.! But you know the story of the person who gave up and stopped digging half a meter from where the diamonds were.  He came so close, yet it was so far, he walked away with nothing. What if he just persevered for a little while longer, took one more step, yielded his spade one more time..?

Here is what you can do in those “Oh!  What is the use?” –times. Here is what you can remind yourself in those “I just cannot go on any more” –times:

1.         You overcame tough times before. You can do it again.

The current rough patch might not feel like anything you have worked through before. But you have successfully overcome the last difficult situation. And if you think back to that time, you will remember that perhaps you were worried that you might not have what it takes to overcome the obstacle… and then you did!  So this time around, remember that you proved yourself wrong the previous time, you will probably prove yourself wrong again, because you are much stronger than you think.

2.         It won’t feel this bad forever

 “This too shall pass” says Jim Rohn.  We are not very good at predicting our feelings and actions (or the future, for that matter) when we are in the thick of a difficult situation. In fact, in the midst of a crisis, we think that we will always feel the way we do now,… awful!  But this is not true!  Yes!  It might be awful now but it will never be awful for as long as, and as much as we think it will.  So no matter how bad you feel right now, know that you will not feel this way forever.  

3.         You are not your problems

Don’t let your circumstances determine who or what you are.  You are not your problems.  You are not your enemies, your job status, or bank account or the really messy divorce or anything else that has ever happened to you. Who you are is far beyond any external situations and circumstances or experiences.

To get out of the funk:

  1. Accept that things will change – keep looking on the bright side, remain hopeful.
  2. Ask for help if you need to.  Do not keep struggling on your own.  Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.
  3. Stay positive and laugh as often as you can, even if you have to laugh at yourself, sometimes!
  4. Focus on things that make you happy. Read a book, go for a walk, run yourself a nice bubble bath.
  5. Above all, do not fall in the trap of letting your past define your future.  Keep moving forward.

This too shall pass… never do you know how close success lies, until you turn the corner.  A bright new day awaits on the other side of darkness.

Determine your next move with the Demartini Method?

Are you stuck? Determine your next move!  Get out of the maze in your head!  Use the Demartini Method to bring you clarity and certainty!

Who is Dr Demartini?

Dr. John Demartini created the Demartini Method.  He is a philosopher, human behaviourist and scientist who studied human behaviour for over thirty years. During his studies he delved into all the great philosophies and ancient wisdom in the world. There is therefore nothing “new” in what Dr Demartini teaches. The way in which Dr Demartini put all he has learnt together to allow one to solve almost any relationship problem one might ever face.  This makes the Demartini method a one-of-a kind- tool for relationship rescue!

What does the Demartini Method achieve?

The Demartini Method can dissolve any physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, vocational or relationship problem one can have. This is best done with the assistance of a trained Demartini method facilitator.  Reduce the stress associated with a specific problem.   It helps clarify perspectives and  past indifferences. It fosters a process of forgiveness and acceptance. This enables a person to see a whole new reality pertaining to the problem. They transform past traumas!   They bring about a state of gratitude for themselves! All of this is possible by patiently, but thoroughly, answering a predetermined set of questions, developed to take you on a journey from perceived injustice to definiteness of purpose.

The Demartini method allows a person to go on with the rest of their lives, without having the past run or ruin their future.  They leave empowered, rather than victimised, and are no longer attached or ensnared by the pains and injustices of the past.

What can The Demartini Method do for me?

Are you haunted by a relationship with another person (be it a spouse, sibling, a parent, a colleague) that does not work? Does a misfitted relationship towards your career, your finances, your life purpose haunt you? Do you just drift, not knowing why you are here or what you are supposed to do? Then spending some time looking at your “problems” will be beneficial to you! however, it does not take too long and you do not have to come back for follow-ups for months afterwards. Do it for yourself! Now!  Once and for all!  Address you infatuations, your resentments, your addictions, your nightmares, your fantasies! The results are everlasting yet depend on your willingness to do the work. Give yourself a chance!

Dr Elize Ellis had been working with the Demartini Method for ten years.

Get the Mojo back, FAST!

The middle of January 2022 had come and gone! Many of us now only stare at the New Years resolutions that we made only three weeks ago! Some of us had already given up on this 2022 to-do list. We are no longer inspired to do, be or have something new and exciting in 2022. We had already fallen back into the old mundane groove. Face it! Some of us are no longer inspired with 2022 and the year has just begun! Getting the Mojo back, is crucial!

Don’t’ despair! There are ways in which you can get your Mojo back! Ways to revive the spring in your step! Widen the smile on your face!

Here is how you get your Mojo back!

Address Stress.

Getting the Mojo back means dealing with your stress in an effective way. If you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, lighten your load. Address the source of the stress before you do anything else. Work, a personal conflict, too many things on your to-do list, or too many demands on your time causes more stress than we would like to acknowledge. Earnestly try to pinpoint the reason for your stress and take action. With the help of a friend, or a HeartCore Transformation Specialist, let some things go or find ways to delegate them. Very few things in life are worth the physical and emotional toll of chronic stress.

Have more fun!

Fun is an essential element of a strong mojo. Right now, go grab a pen and paper. Think about the times in your life when you really had fun, and write them down. Go over the events in your head and mentally re-live these fun and happy times. Circle some of these activities that you might want to enjoy again. Then pick a couple and go do them!

Get your body moving!.

Choose fun activities that allow you to move. Without putting the pressure on yourself to start an exercise routine (which can feel like work and create more stress), think of some ways you can get physical and really enjoy it.  I know which one you are thinking of, and by all means, go for it. Otherwise, just play some tennis or basketball. Go dancing with a group of crazy friends. Drive to the mountains and take a hike. Go skinny dipping at night. Get up from your chair and skip around the room or do some jumping jacks. Just get moving and enjoy it.

You can also do this…

Switch off the television!

It’s so easy to plonk in front of the television or the computer when you are feeling low on mojo. Once you are in that chair, it is so hard to get back up.  For a few days at least, turn off the telly and computer so that you are forced to do something else. Go surf somewhere other than the internet! Have a conversation with your spouse or children. Clear clutter or organize something. Go buy some flowers and arrange them.  Read something inspirational or motivating. Do something, anything, that is positive, productive and joyful. Therefore, no more sitting around and zoning out!

Do Something Adventurous.

Take a risk! Shake your life up a bit. Do something that is totally out of character for you! Do something completely unexpected. Take a road trip to nowhere in particular!! Eat sushi! Go whitewater rafting. Have a trolly race at the mall! Be spontaneous. Do something that you’ve always wanted to do. Do not worry what other people might think. It is your mojo!

Love Your Body.

When we lose our mojo, we can mistreat our bodies with too much alcohol, fatty/sugary foods, or medications. It’s impossible to get your groove back when your body is sedated with yucky stuff. In the light of this, remember to treat your body with loving kindness. Eat mojo-supporting foods like lots of veggies, fruits and lean meats and less processed, high fat bad-for-you foods. By all means, have a chocolate or a glass of wine, but do not overindulge!

Your Mojo still missing?

These are simple but very effective ways to open the door for your Mojo to step back in again!  If this does not help, then DOWNLOAD my comprehensive plan to get your mojo back.  See the sidebar for details!